Brown Santa & Happy Holidays!

Hope everyone is enjoying the festive season with friends and family. Also extending wishes from the skinny, brown Indian Santa in front of a Domino's (a legitimate sit-down restaurant in India) at a mall in Mumbai. He was quite enjoying being photographed.

Sketchiness of cabs in Mumbai

Back to due popular demand, below is a chart illustrating the sketchiness of cabs Mumbai by time of night. Note, I often get out of work around 3:30am.





I only wish I'd had the presence of mind to take pictures of some of these, but some favorites include
* "Stripper cab" : Glow in the dark leopard print seats and headlights that change colors
* "Hole-y cab" : Holes in the floor, literally, so you can see the streets of Mumbai in a whole new way
* "Go-kart cab": Max speed of 10 mph and requires a push start ~50% of the time

I could write a post each day on just the cabs of this city.

Morimoto restaurant in Mumbai!

I'm so excited to hear the Morimoto restaurant, 'Wasabi' (presented by the same people as Nobu 57 in New York) is finally open at the Taj in Mumbai. This is the same landmark hotel badly damaged during last year's terrorist attacks in Mumbai.



I was underwhelmed by the food here last time, especially for the price (~$100 a person, excl alcohol). Hoping the latest iteration is better.

Also, I think I need to sharpen my foodie credentials in Mumbai. I'm going to create a blog version of the Definitive Dining Guide to Mumbai (e.g. Sri's version of Le Guide Michelin for Mumbai). Soon you'll be hearing about the best places to eat in Mumbai even though most of you couldn't care less. Your own fault for reading this blog!

Angry? Stop eating

Most people outside of India probably don't realize this, but India is going through major political upheaval right now. Basically, the party in office has said it is open to/wants to split the large states into smaller states. (FYI, India ~1/3 size of US has about 25 states).

The most controversial decision is the potential split my family's home state (Andhra Pradesh). People on both sides of the decision have been protesting, shutting down cities, burning effigies etc. My family has warned me against coming to Hyderabad (center of all the action) for the holidays.

Interestingly, a hold-over from the time of the Indian independence movement, the most common way for major political figures to protest is to fast-until-death, which is also considered illegal as it is attempted suicide. Below is an article on the member of parliament from my grandmother's district being taken into protective custody:

http://www.deccanchronicle.com/hyderabad/lagdapati-under-custody-372

My present life trajectory

As you may have noticed, I've basically stopped blogging over the last several weeks (see exhibit A below):



Major reasons are that I haven't had time to blog...but more importantly, haven't even had time to make any pseudo-witty observations. Work has taken over my life.

The goal is to get that December # above, November. Baby steps people. Baby steps!

The Creamy Layer

No, I'm talking about Tiramisu. I briefly broached the topic of the rigid affirmative action system in India with quotas/reservations for certain castes, religious groups and women. Apparently, in response to criticisms that affirmative action inadvertently benefits the richest of the underrepresented minorities further; the Indian supreme court has come up with--I kid you not-- a "Creamy Layer" exception. Basically, if you're an underrepresented minority above certain income threshold, you are not eligible for benefits of quotas.

Read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creamy_layer

Should we set-up some yummy, creamy layers in the US?

Repat trendsetting!

I thought I made up the term repat but apparently, it's real. NYT says about 100,000 repats like me will come to India in the next 5 years.

For more on the frustrating experience of being a repat, click here for the NYT article.

Living in a terrorist target

Having spent a lot of time in New York, you would think you'd get used to living a city considered a prime terrorist target..if there is getting used to something like that.

I had a very disquieting moment last night returning from work when I realized that today was the 1 year anniversary of the horrendous "26/11" (Nov 11, India style date) attacks here in South Bombay, walking distance from our office. Stuff was starting to make sense, my car was stopped and checked. The morning was eerie: uptown half of Marine Drive (think Mumbai's answer to Chicago's Lakeshore drive) was shutdown for a City Law enforcement show of force (think Mumbai's answer to a Soviet military rally). Traffic was re-routed everywhere to shutoff narrow/smaller streets. Good thing I decided to leave for work early!





The issue is that all this security is basically optics. Nothing has changed. All the people that were at fault during the debacle are all back in power. You can call it strong resilience or easy forgiveness on part of Mumbaikers, but the extraordinary apathy is shocking. Forget that Mumbai may or may not be prepared to stop a new type of attack, I doubt the city would do things differently if the exact same thing happened again.

I'm thinking twice about trekking crosstown for a Thanksgiving dinner tonight!

Clubbing in Bombay (yes, I'm alive!)

Sorry about the radio silence of the last few days, work has taken over my life more so than usual. This will continue to be so for a couple of more weeks I expect, but today I have some time breathe/blog.

Perhaps, some of you are wondering why I haven't written about going out in Mumbai yet (the above paragraph should give you some clue). Anyway, the clubbing I'm writing about today isn't the loud, crowded, flesh markets where some people go to drink. Bombay has a different "club scene" which includes places like the Cricket Club of India, Breach Candy Club, etc.

These clubs are essentially extremely exclusive Urban country clubs. The waitlist is over 5+ years and initiation fees are in the range of $100,000 to $200,000. Yes, you heard it right, those prices are in USD.

I went to one recently for dinner as a guest (a friend is a member). They have strict security generally requiring a membership card with photograph. The interesting news is that once you enter the places aren't really not that nice (certainly not when you consider the fees), but everything inside is hugely subsidized, food and drinks. So, yeah, when I figure out how to become a member and get all my friends in, I'm throwing a huge party at one of these clubs!

Refueling mission to New York was a success

Being in New York for the last few days was amazing, thank you all of you that made the time to hangout!

The real reason* for being in New York was a return to mothership to refuel. There are certain things that are either impossible to find or so difficult to find in Mumbai that it's easier for me to fly back to New York and buy them. The following items being the most critical:

(1) Chapstick: Living in Mumbai is like alternating between a stove and a fridge. Either 90 degrees and humid (outdoors) or 60 degrees and extremely dry (indoors). You never know exactly what temperature you're going to be it, all you can be certain of is that you will always be mildly comfortable. This sort of temperature shift wreaks havoc on one's body and it is beyond me how no one in Mumbai uses chapstick.

(2) Glade plugins: Another product impossible to find here. The only reason I need it is b/c my office always smells like a combination of pinesol + varnish + paint thinner. Not sure what the overnight cleaning staff is doing, but they are only making things worse.

(3) Street meat: This is actually something I can find in India: the only problem is that I'm allowed to eat it India. When one has a craving for Rafiqi's in Midtown, only Rafiqi's in Midtown will do.

* For those you paying attention, you know the real real reason I was in New York. And yes, I passed the citizenship test! This means I'm coming back to New York in December for the ceremony.

Halloween in Mumbai Part II -- The Pictures

As I mentioned, I went to a Halloween party at the US embassy last weekend. I was dressed up as Kanye. Alas, my friend who was supposed to be my better half--Taylor Swift--fell ill due to some bad meat (Mumbai always being unpredictable!). Anyway, good times were had. When I said pictures plural, I lied. Below is one of the publishable gems (if can't figure out the costumes, it's Kanye with Lady Gaga and Disco Trivolta). Some other pics are on facebook though for your entertainment.

Ciao Mumbai Taxis

The most popular taxi in "Town" --a term referring to South Mumbai, the "Manhattan" of the city of Mumbai --are 1960's Fiats locally assembled by Premier Padmini (Auto rickshaws are not allowed into Town).

If you thought a Chevy was "like a rock," these cars have been running around the city of Mumbai non-stop for the last 30+ years. They're indestructible. Alas, the city govt has finally decided to phase them out by end of 2009, a fact that even the New York Times is lamenting.

Many locals are outraged. I, for one, am ecstatic. You try riding this black metal box with top speed of 15 mph in 100 degree weather with no air conditioning in the polluted & extremely crowded streets of Mumbai and tell me you disagree!

Wine in India

We've already broached the topic of India's absurd import taxes (remember the $50,000 Accord?), but the government takes it to a new level with wine with up to 300% effective import tax with state/federal taxes combined. It's gotten so bad, France and the EU are complaining to the WTO about it. Not much has come of this complaining though.

To give you an example, a bottle of Yellowtail (~$7) in the US when I last checked in Bombay was $30 at a retailer. Now, let's say you want to buy the same bottle at a restaurant with the usual restaurant markup and the extra 25% tax on food service sales of wine, the bottle becomes ~$100. $100 for a bottle of Yellowtail!! There's no justice in the world. Or no wine justice in Mumbai.

We need wine tax reform or better local wine stat.

Dry days in Mumbai = Good for democracy?

Dry days in Mumbai are like Snow days in Wisconsin: no one really knows when they are coming (at most 3 or 4 days warning) and they mess up everyone's social schedules. You only find out through word of mouth and before you know it next Saturday no one else is allowed to sell alcohol in all of Mumbai. A la 1930s prohibition era creativity, bars go into speak-easy mode and people stock-up their liquor cabinets.

Traditionally, dry days are usually around Hindu sacred holidays. However, these days the state is imposing dry days around the democratic process as well; during this year's elections, the day before and the day of the election as well as the 2 days of vote counting the week after were dry days. Guess it's to prevent people from Voting or Counting Under the Influence.

Come to think of it, maybe they should do this in the US in November...preventing people from voting under the influence might lead to fewer knocked-up---I mean, "pregnant"--chads. Besides, it might be fun to have a dry day in New York once in a while to go to a real speak-easy instead of these overpriced faux speak-easys.

Affirmative Action in India = Sri is a white male

Whereas the US govt is often squeamish when it comes to being explicit about affirmative action, the Indian one is at the other end of the spectrum with strict minimum quotas for various groups. Below is a description from the website of AP Housing Board (AP = Andhra Pradesh, a major state in India) on what the minimum quotas/reservations are for various groups in their ability to purchase Govt. housing:

Houses offered on Hire Purchase and Outright sale :

Category	MLA/MP	SC	ST	BC	GS	PH	FF	DP	Total
HIG	3%	16%	6%	9%	10%	1%	1%	3%	49%
MIG	3%	16%	6%	9%	10%	1%	1%	3%	49%
LIG	-	16%	6%	11%	10%	2%	2%	2%	49%

SCs = Scheduled Castes; STs = Scheduled Tribes; BCs = Backward Classes; GS = Government Servants; PH = Physically Handicapped; FF = Freedom Fighters; DP = Defense Personnel.

In all the above allotments 30% shall be reserved for Women.


Interestingly enough, AP govt considers Muslims and Christians as BCs (Backward classes). Believe it or not, it turns out, I do not belong to any of these groups. One more similarity between the US and India, Affirmative action is still doing nothing for me! Oh well.

Halloween in Mumbai

So, as those of you may have noticed. I don't post for a few days and then do 3 posts on one day. If you think this is because during the days I'm not posting I'm basically working 24/7 with occasional breaks to sleep, you are right.

However, I'm hoping I won't have work this weekend as I'm invited to a Halloween Party at the Washington House (US Embassy) in Bombay. Given that it's schnazzy event, I need a fun, recognizable yet classy idea.

I was originally thinking of being Kanye West, but I don't think that's going to cut it. For those of you that don't know, I have a history of terrible/unoriginal costumes for Halloween, e.gs from the last two years:

* Vijay Singh (me wearing all white and a golf cap)
* Cookes and Cream (me wearing a different all white ensemble sans golf hat)

As you can see, I need help. Thoughts??

Domino's: 30 min delivery or I'm dead

Everyone in Mumbai has a Domino's story. In a city of 20 million with ailing civic services and crumbling public infrastructure, you might imagine getting from place to place takes an extraordinarily long period of time. Given this, the fact that Domino's guarantees a 30-min delivery or it's free in this city is amazing to say the least. May be their mopeds give them a competitive advantage.

Now onto some choice quotes from my Mumbaiker friends regarding Domino's:

* "Domino's delivery guys are hands down the most unsafe drivers in all of Mumbai...and that's saying something"

* "I once saw a Domino's delivery guy get hit by a car. Fall 10 feet away from his bike. Then get up, run to his moped and run off to his next delivery"

Also, for those of you that know how I eat will be proud to heard that I finally had my first Domino's experience albeit the authenticity of the event maybe called into question given that it was India. I don't think Domino's in the US serves spicy chili pepper pizza...although it should!

Dollar state of mind

India has gotten 10% more expensive in the last 10 days. No, India isn't in hyperinflation. The US Dollar has depreciated ~10% since I arrived. I'm still stuck in a dollar state of mind, as in I still convert all prices into US dollars before I buy things. Given that I'm a consummate consumer (can I say that?), this is especially painful.

However, if I step back, now that I'm being paid in rupees, this will be awesome for when I visit foreign countries!

New Reality Show: Sell my bed!

Okay, just kidding...it's not a show so much as a proposition to my readers in New York. Anyone want to sell my hypoallergenic queen bed in New York. You can keep half the proceeds!

Buying American

So, my air shipment has arrived. The sea one won't get here until end of November at earliest and then it has be cleared by the extraordinarily lugubrious (even for a developing country) Indian customs bureaucracy. Besides, the sea shipment, I've got most everything else set-up except my transportation situation. I've thinking about buying American: introducing the Chevy Optra.

What do you guys think? Should I get it?

The Caller/"Hello" Tune Obsession

So, for some reason, Indian people love caller tunes. They're the music that your hear when you call someone instead of the usual (triiiing, triiing). The tunes are usually a super annoying a la mode Bollywood song.

The problem with this comes when cellphone companies by default sets your phone's caller tune to be some crazy, random song you don't know. This has happened to several colleagues that have traveled to India for business and give clients their Indian cell #'s. My aunt (who's a doctor) has given her # to some patients; unbeknownst to her, the caller tune her patients/clients would hear was "my heart is beating and making funny noises...just for you!"

Never thought I'd miss the simple triiing triiing when calling someone.

Private Emergency Service

There's an old adage about India vs China (I like think I made it up, but I probably just read it somewhere): "China succeeds because of its government and India succeeds despite it's government." The Private sector in India has solved a lot of problems that the govt hasn't been able to (e.g. affordable quality education, reasonable healthcare options etc.).

The most absurd example of this that I've found in India is a privatized emergency service. When I was out with some friends, I asked a simple question, what's the equivalent of 911 in India if I'm ever in a pinch. Every one stared blankly for a few seconds (FYI, the real #'s are 100 for police, 101 for Fire, 102 for an ambulance. Why 3 different #'s?!?! Who knows) .

Apparently, the answer to my question is getting Topsline emergency service-- a private emergency line that you can access by calling 1252. A few interesting snippets from their website:

* "Mumbai chooses life."
* With "conventional methods, you have to remember numerous and different numbers for multiple types of emergency situations. And besides, we reach you in a committed response time of 9 minutes flat!"

Obviously, they're filling an unmet need in the market which is great for everyone I suppose. Besides, they only cost $3 a month to sign-up per person. They have apparently saved a friend of a friend's life twice (once from a fire, another time during a medical emergency).

What do you guys think? Should I sign up?

Happy Boss's Day...what?

Yeah, you heard it right, apparently Oct 16th is Boss's day (as if they need a special day...b/c it's not like they're your Boss every other day or anything). A few helpful snippets from the Wiki article:

* "Patricia Bays Haroski registered "National Boss's Day" with the U.S. Chamber of Commerce in 1958. [She] chose October 16 because she forgot that the birthday of her boss, who was her father, was actually on the 16th."
* "Holiday has been the source of some controversy and criticism in the United States, where it is often mocked as a Hallmark Holiday"

For some reason, people in India apparently care about this made-up holiday. I got an email from my assistant wishing me a Happy Boss's Day. How should I celebrate?

Skin bleaching: A rose by any other name...

As many of you may know, skin bleaching products are relatively popular in India. However, Unilever got into some hot water recently for ads depicting dark skinned women as being depressed and unsuccessful who fortunes turn after use of their product, "Fair & Lovely".

L'Oreal and Unilever have quietly changed their product marketing strategies describing them as creams to remove unsightly brown spots on skin. The product composition remained unchanged but advocacy groups stopped complaining. Yay, a win-win.

The company car

The other day leaving work, I got to office car (we have a car owned by the office, with driver of course). I was amazed by how spacious it looked and how it was. I asked the driver what the car was as I didn't notice the make before getting in. He coolly told me it was a Honda Accord. After riding in the mini and nano cars of India, apparently an Accord looks like a Rolls Royce.

It is interesting to note though as Accords can go for upwards of $50,000 in India, they do really compete in the luxury space here!

Day 1 in new office aka "How I'm going to get obese in my 2 years in India"

Today was the long awaited first day of work in India. The day was pleasant, more or less uneventful. Got to meet everyone in the office, make a few PPT pages, the usual. The biggest revelation of the day was personal: it's going to be extremely easy for me to become obese in this office. Below are the highest calorie burning activities of my old job (which is sad in its own right) that I will not be doing in my new job:

1) Walking to IT. The IT guy comes to my office.
2) Walking to lunch. Lunch is served in the room down the hall.
3) Picking up the phone to order dinner. The lovely receptionist orders our dinner selections.
4) Putting food on my plate from a bowl. Kitchen staff plates my dinner and brings it to my office.
5) Eating my food. Someone from the pantry stuff, wait...just kidding... or am I?

Coming to America

It feels like I've only been here for a few days...wait, it's b/c I have only been here for a few days. But I'm coming back to America. Don't get too excited, I'm only coming for a couple of days around Nov 10. I need to be in New York to take my US citizenship test. Besides, it's a much better repatriation journey with me holding foreign citizenship.

FYI, I feel a little like a traitor: I'm the only one in my family who has opted for US citizenship. But this is a story for another day.

Movie in Mumbai

I went to my first movie in Bombay; alas, it was an American one (Inglorious Basterds. And it was amazing!). Some key differences to watching a movie in New York:

1) Going through metal detectors and getting padded by security guards. Twice.
2) Having an intermission during such a short film. More importantly, the intermission was thrown in some random part of the movie, mid-scene. (This was the easiest movie to place an intermission if needed as it was divided in to chapters in classic Tarantino style).
3) Assigned seating (although theatres in LA do this). It's nice to know that you can find seats together for your group of 5 next each other.

High level materialistic pros & cons of Mumbai

* Materialistic perspective on the pros and cons of moving Mumbai:

- Pro: Everything that involves labor or a service is unbelievably cheap and amazing

- Con: Everything that involves technology or infrastructure is unbelievably expensive and amazing (for different reasons)

* Let me explain: you can get someone to work for you full time to do most anything you want (e.g. maid, cook, driver etc) for less than $200 a month. On the other hand, TV's and computers cost twice as much here but can only manage to accomplish half as much as their US counterparts. A clean, two lane paved road anywhere outside of a city center or a national highway is a god send

* Given these facts, one seemingly anomalous fact is that basic cable in Mumbai has more TV channels than anywhere else I have seen in the developed or developing world, premium or basic: close to 900! The only reasonable explanation I can think of is that the sheer size of the country and the diversity of India and its populace can support the various channels

Street names

So, apparently, all Mumbai streets have at least two names. Fortunately, I am not confused yet as I don't know either name b/c there are NEVER any street signs (this is definitely going to make driving in this town difficult, more on this later).

All streets have a locally known name (e.g. Altamount road) and an official name (e.g. S.K. Barodawala Marg). Just like the Bombay/Mumbai situation, the "local" name is actually a British one where as the official one is a some Hindi/Marathi name.

The problem is so ridiculous that if you actually sent mail to your "official" address, it won't get delivered b/c even the mail men don't know the official names!

Small town Mumbai

I was grabbing dinner with at Indigo deli (fun resto, I approve) with a new friend and she was training me on the basics of life in Mumbai. Bombay (city of 20million people) is apparently a small town. Lesson #1: Never lie to your friends about what you're doing on a given night (not that I would ever do that anyway), they will find out without even investigating.

We shared examples of coincidental co-locations including my first visit to Mumbai a month ago when two people I was supposed to meet happened to be at the same bar, hanging out with each other! At the end of the conversation, one of the like 4 people I know in Mumbai, walked up to me at Indigo deli and said "hi." So yes, it's a VERY SMALL town.


Also, don't get used to like 3 posts a day. This is only b/c I'm twiddling my thumbs (see prev. post), frequency will drop exponentially over the next few days as I get busier. On the plus side, hopefully, I'll have some fun observations from my cousin's wedding on Thursday. Yes, it was arranged.

Mumbai vs Bombay Issue

Okay, this whole 'Bombay' vs 'Mumbai' is way more complicated than I thought; my original hypothesis was in (old) SAT format: Bombay:Mumbai :: Black: African American.

However, recently, a movie director has had to apologize publicly to local political figures for characters in his movie referring to the city as Bombay instead of Mumbai. A friend of my recently said, "Are you an ABCD* idiot, why are you calling it Mumbai instead of Bombay?"

I'm an IBCD in India. Still confused about what the name of the city I'm living in.


* For those non-immigrants, ABCD stands for American Born Confused Desi, referring to foreign born Indians who lack knowledge of Indian culture/heritage

Day 1: Waiting for it to sink-in

* Arrive at Mumbai Int'l airport: still under "renovation." Sign #1 that I'm in India: I'm bombarded with 8,000 smells literally as I step off the plane into the corridor.

* Talking to my driver: "Yeah, my parents live in LA, I live in New York." Pause. "I used to live in New York." I think it's sinking in.

* Proceed to be ripped off my cellphone vendor. I dunno, $30 to unlock a pre-paid cellphone? Maybe prices aren't what they used to be.

* Hotel room is very nice...view of the Arabian sea. Exciting, but not as exciting as you might think, since the sea basically looks like a dirty brown puddle in Bombay.

* Still haven't figured out if I'm going to refer to the city as Bombay or Mumbai.

* Arrived in Bombay, got a cell phone, ate a Bombay style "tiffin" (prix fixe meal in metal containers), checked into my hotel, started this blog...now on to twiddling my thumbs until dinner. Yay!